Here you go: ten dumb business ideas.
1. GIFs by Mail subscription service.
We send you a series of photos, in a small flip booklet. It’s your favorite GIFs… but print. Something about the tactile love of paper in hand. Artisan crafted memes on tap. Give me your money.
2. Dr. Diabetes.
You’ve heard of Dr. Oz, right? Well, Dr. Diabetes is here to show you all the sweet stuff that is going to kill you… eventually. Sponsored by Coca-Cola.
3. Fart Box Delivery.
You can be a connoisseur of the most exotic flatulence. Smelly farts, wet farts, Taco Bell farts, the ‘I haven’t pooped all week and it’s starting to scare me’ farts. They’re all here, and they’re all delivered right to your doorstep.
4. Micro Transaction: The Game.
Love all those extra purchases game developers ask you to pony up for during those games that bore you to death? Great! Just skip the game and tap away at that purchase button. Feel the rush of an impulse buy.
5. Ned Talks.
Ted Talks are some compelling, thought-provoking presentations that can help shape the future of our world. But what if your drunk Uncle Ned was the one giving you all the second-hand information and political hot takes? You’d love it, right?
6. Foodie Photography For You.
Love taking Instagram photos of your food, but aren’t getting the likes you were hoping for? Then hire us, the Foodie Photography for You! You’ll never have to be basic again. We’ll be basic for you! Throw in an extra few dollars a month and we’ll take photos of your poop.
7. Troll for Hire
Want to let ‘er rip with some mean, hateful comments on social media? Hire us, and we’ll troll the web for you! Limited liability, infinite catharsis with a side of hatred.
8. Dog Rental
Want to pick up chicks with a cute dog, but don’t have the decency to care for one full time? Don’t worry! We have you covered with dog rental.
9. Pre-Owned Undies
No. They aren’t used undies. They’re pre-owned. Who wouldn’t want to own a snug pair of gently laundered undergarments? Nobody, that’s who! No refunds or returns.
10. Podcasts for Podcasts
What’s better than a podcast? A podcast about podcasts! You know you wanted it. You’re always talking to your friends about podcasts anyway. This is just that, but in a one-hour chunks for your headphones.