Running a hundred miles an hour and my brain doesnʼt sleep. Two years of anxiety and 6 months of hell. My throat closes, I canʼt speak and all I can say is why?
Why now? What is my lesson?
Maybe there is no lesson to learn, maybe itʼs just that Iʼm not who I thought I was called to be. Maybe itʼs time to quit!
Maybe Iʼm not praying enough,
maybe Iʼm not good enough,
maybe Iʼm not enough.
In the middle of this chaos I hear “my grace is sufficient”.. again the cycle continues. Itʼs time to speak, my anxiety kicks in and boom again – I canʼt speak, my anxiety rises. Again thecycle continues.
Yet again in the chaos, I hear “my grace is sufficient” and on and on I go. Still, in the chaos I hear “my grace is sufficient”! This time I burst out in anger, “NO.. NO, itʼs NOT!!!! What would be sufficient is for this to be over……..and after my breakdown I hear, “My Grace Is Sufficient”! Here we are on the road to recovery and still His grace is sufficient.
Honesty is best friends with vulnerability is best friends with recovery. I thank Chamberlain for sharing his struggles with anxiety. Being open about our struggles is a difficult prospect, but one that can help us uncover and make sense of our trauma.
Like Chamberlain, I’m starting to see that this struggle with anxiety is a process, and it may never fully be abated. But in sharing my wounds, in sharing my hurt, the anxious thoughts have less power over me.
And to be reminded that His grace is sufficient, that He holds me through all of this, is a comfort in the storm. Chamberlain also told me about his further introspection on the verse surrounding these words – My Grace is Sufficient – and how it is molding his journey through this anxiety.
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight [some interpretations say BOAST] in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
Chamberlain is finding that he can delight or BOAST in this weakness. That in boasting in his weakness, he is praising God’s strength! Chamberlain can say that despite his shortcomings, God is in control of ALL things and that all that is done through him is done by GOD for HIS glory. What a magnificent thought, and a wonderful insight. May God continue to shape us, to use our pain to further His Kingdom.